This guide shows how you can give up much of patriarchy in the same way as you can give up smoking, eating junk food or drinking alcohol. It unveils the fear/relief cycle at the heart of the addiction
Thanks Jo, this is great. It’s exactly what so many of us did in the 1970s. We freed ourselves from patriarchal expectations and because we existed in numbers, the hundreds and thousands of us who attended demonstrations, other thousands at other demonstrations in other countries, and the books whose authors recounted their experiences. Both heterosexual women and lesbians partook of these actions. But lesbians generally did not backslide as much unless they had a job in which they were expected to play the game. There has been a gradual shift over time. I notice on public transport that nowhere near as many women wear stockings, many more women wear flat shoes and dress for comfort. It has been slow and the pressures to patriarchally conform are great, especially for young women, but change is possible. So I hope your article is widely read.
This is great Jo. I can think of one addition -- it might possibly be one of the 12 steps, although I’m not sure. It is that women make a conscious decision to stop lying. Admittedly this adds ethics to the mix, but we should be aware that patriarking is in fact unethical. Women lie all the time in the service of patriarchy. I have found it helpful to spend a few minutes at the end of every day to contemplate all the lies I’ve told in the day. It’s shocking actually, once you decide to face all the times you chose to avoid being truthful. We lie like slaves lie -- to save ourselves. It’s understandable, but it feeds the patriarchy and disempowers ourselves.
The mainstream narrative about feminism, and also lesbianism, among feminists and lesbians themselves, is that there are no upsides or benefits in resistance whatsoever. I think it's a big factor in why women are reluctant to give practices of their own oppression like "beauty" and "love". The idea that the approval of a random misogynist is infinitely more meaningful and important than your internal and external freedom makes me mad really. We need more counter-messages like that.
Brilliant! Thank you. I was conditioned to patriark quite a lot as a child and young woman, at the same time as believing myself to be a feminist. I'm 60ish now, and it's only in the last 10 years that I have really quit patriarking. There was a long, confused bit in the middle there, trying to combine het relationships with freedom. It didn't work. Now I savour the liberation of not being shaped, moulded, fashioned, by some man.
How creative your writtings are! Never thought that practices demanded by patriarchy could be seen as a form of an addiction and consecuently give you fake pleasures pumps. Awesome guide!
Thanks! I've thought a lot about how this might work and am really interested to see if it rings true with other women. It's another angle on Consciousness Raising, as Lauren notes, but might be more easily accessible to women these days who know all about self help guides.
“Relieving the fear of patriarchy by performing submission to patriarchy is not the answer. The answer is to reject it. Be brave. And don’t go looking for patriarchy. Avoid it. It’s like goats going over near the wolves and running back quickly to avoid being eaten. Just don’t go over there.”
Love this analogy. A humorous tool of Keep It Simple for recovery from Patriarking. A pleasure to get a few more laughs from something I read a while ago.
this hits the mark! I agree that refusal to participate is the route to dismantling patriarchy. Love that word patriarking. also great connecting this with other addictions.
Thanks Jo, this is great. It’s exactly what so many of us did in the 1970s. We freed ourselves from patriarchal expectations and because we existed in numbers, the hundreds and thousands of us who attended demonstrations, other thousands at other demonstrations in other countries, and the books whose authors recounted their experiences. Both heterosexual women and lesbians partook of these actions. But lesbians generally did not backslide as much unless they had a job in which they were expected to play the game. There has been a gradual shift over time. I notice on public transport that nowhere near as many women wear stockings, many more women wear flat shoes and dress for comfort. It has been slow and the pressures to patriarchally conform are great, especially for young women, but change is possible. So I hope your article is widely read.
This is great Jo. I can think of one addition -- it might possibly be one of the 12 steps, although I’m not sure. It is that women make a conscious decision to stop lying. Admittedly this adds ethics to the mix, but we should be aware that patriarking is in fact unethical. Women lie all the time in the service of patriarchy. I have found it helpful to spend a few minutes at the end of every day to contemplate all the lies I’ve told in the day. It’s shocking actually, once you decide to face all the times you chose to avoid being truthful. We lie like slaves lie -- to save ourselves. It’s understandable, but it feeds the patriarchy and disempowers ourselves.
Great plan, diagram especially helpful!
FWIW Patriarchy Anonymous helped me a lot, we called it Consciousness Raising.
Yes!
The mainstream narrative about feminism, and also lesbianism, among feminists and lesbians themselves, is that there are no upsides or benefits in resistance whatsoever. I think it's a big factor in why women are reluctant to give practices of their own oppression like "beauty" and "love". The idea that the approval of a random misogynist is infinitely more meaningful and important than your internal and external freedom makes me mad really. We need more counter-messages like that.
Brilliant! Thank you. I was conditioned to patriark quite a lot as a child and young woman, at the same time as believing myself to be a feminist. I'm 60ish now, and it's only in the last 10 years that I have really quit patriarking. There was a long, confused bit in the middle there, trying to combine het relationships with freedom. It didn't work. Now I savour the liberation of not being shaped, moulded, fashioned, by some man.
How creative your writtings are! Never thought that practices demanded by patriarchy could be seen as a form of an addiction and consecuently give you fake pleasures pumps. Awesome guide!
Thanks! I've thought a lot about how this might work and am really interested to see if it rings true with other women. It's another angle on Consciousness Raising, as Lauren notes, but might be more easily accessible to women these days who know all about self help guides.
“Relieving the fear of patriarchy by performing submission to patriarchy is not the answer. The answer is to reject it. Be brave. And don’t go looking for patriarchy. Avoid it. It’s like goats going over near the wolves and running back quickly to avoid being eaten. Just don’t go over there.”
Love this analogy. A humorous tool of Keep It Simple for recovery from Patriarking. A pleasure to get a few more laughs from something I read a while ago.
this hits the mark! I agree that refusal to participate is the route to dismantling patriarchy. Love that word patriarking. also great connecting this with other addictions.
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